It all started with an innocuous looking flu on a Saturday as I was about to leave to my Tabla class. Suddenly I felt that the nagging irritant in my throat was actuall a flu. In a couple of hours, I was feeling feverish and knew this was not a ordinary flu.

I took my flu and fever medicine and went to sleep early. The fever rose and then ebbed. A couple of days I was feeling feverish now and then. But it wasn’t debilatating me.

However, I felt sleepy all the time, I went to bed early and woke up late. It was strange, as I generally woke up by 7am. This entire week or ten days I was sleeping way past 9 am. If that wasn’t good enough. Again around 11 am i went to sleep and on Sunday I woke up only at 4 pm.

My mind had stopped thinking. I kept asking myself why I am sleeping so much. I knew the flu had knocked me out. I was hungry and craving for sweets and eggs for breakfast. It had been a almost 7 to 8 months back that I had switched to an entirely fruit only breakfast. But now the fruits won’t hold me through the morning.

I also was trying to sort some emotional issues. I didn’t know how to handle it, so I thought I will handle it in my sleep. When the emotional issue over-whelmed me, I went back to sleep.

This all lasted till this morning. Yesterday, I was at my sisters place for my fiftieth birthday. There I met my brother-in-laws parents who are 87/89. As mummy Parag ’s mother lay in bed, she held my hand and at 87 I was wondering why is so much more alive than me. Her entire face was lit up and wired, She held my hand tightly and gently. She said this is perhaps the final goodbye. I murmured, perhaps not.

Maybe, I needed to meet people to feel connected back to reality. I felt someone had flicked up my switch to “off” position. I had no desire to work, love. I was feeling hopeless.

This morning, I woke up and after frustrated one hour delay and cancellation of my eggs by zomato. I ordered eggs via grocery app with and all the ingredients and made my own breakfast after more than a year. I think I a might get back to cooking

DALL·E 2022-08-11 14-32-34 - A old woman lying in bed radiating brightness and seeing you for the last time

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