Do you find yourself spending a lot of time on social media instead of being with people in real life? Maybe your work is such that you have to be on social media to get business or generate leads. In that case are you able to keep it purely business and shut it down off business hours?
Well, no need to confess. We knowledge workers, I mean those who create info products be it a tweet, Instagram reel or any other form of digital media very well know, that we get those dopamine likes when some beautiful stranger out there likes our post or follows us back. Our brain thinks it is the same as a real life compliment and gets hooked to this reward system.
The friction is so less to get likes and followers that it is soothing when our other relationships are not working out. Even worse it can come at a cost of not working on our real life relationship and indulging in this make believe world of retweets, likes and follower counts.
A person deficient in social skills means he lacks negotiation skills.
It is my belief is that there is a certain kind of personality who is more prone to social media addiction. The person who is not able to negotiate real life relationships and friendships. I am one of them.
My Personal case of failing at negotiation
I grew up pretty isolated without much social skills. I cannot understand group dynamics, I feel like I have “no voice” when I am in a group. I feel I should be the leader of the group. I cannot be a player and team member. This means further isolation. But being a group leader means working through the ranks and that takes time. I give up. I am bad at negotiation. I never developed the skills to negotiate with a group of people or anyone. It has to be “my way or the highway”. This is borne out the fear of rejection.
Now people cannot take my shit, so I keep losing in real life. The more I lose, the more I want to hide away. I chose to hide where the real life people don’t play the same game as I do. It is called “social media”. I am good at it. I get a few likes, I am not making any money. This is personal not professional.
But the cost of this addiction is catastrophic. I live in my own world and only interact with people who say nice things to me. Rest are blocked or abused.
I don’t wish this kind of addiction on anyone. I want to learn to negotiate with people and work my way through the ranks, but it seems it is rather late now. Well, wait and watch!
The consequences of living alone
Someone out there is building bridges, building and cars. It is all done in the real world which requires coordination and more important action of getting things done. It requires power to make people do things. This is all lost in the virtual world.
The good thing about being alone or lonely
Aloneness is sometimes good. It gives you time to think about all the failures in your life and introspect. The sooner you introspect the better, but social media and other addictions will keep you from dealing with your life.
However once you become aware and think about all the areas of life which could be worked upon, you will be a transformed man. The very thing which has isolated you becomes the manure for your growth.
It is not an easy path, the alone path. Once you start emerging from your social media addiction. It is like coming out of a prison. No one you know wants you back! It time to build again from zero.